Swinging & Open Relationships: Is There A Difference?

What the difference is between swinging and open relationships?

We can’t answer this question for every couple, just us, we believe swinging involves trust, strong communication and the ability to see the other person’s side of the story. Our relationship is not open, neither one of us can just fuck whoever we please (although the Mrs. is “allowed” to play alone with specific partners because it turns both of us on as individuals). We don’t have relationships, outside the bedroom, with our play partners. Those in, open relationships seem to have some sort of connection, beyond sex, with the outside partners. We are not interested in another relationship , we are just interested in the play.

We are unique with our rule/agreement that permits Mrs. to explore outside partners alone yet has Mr. stay within the confines of couple play. To clarify, it is Mr. who requested Mrs. play alone with one of our male playmates. It makes Mr. crazy. Since that first time when Mr. requested that Mrs. play on her own Mrs. Found that it was such a turn on for her that she has requested her own 1 on 1 time with him & plans on having several more. Mr. really gets turned on when Mrs. comes back from a play session and tells him how good it was, how much it turned her on and how well she has been fucked.  Mrs. really gets turned on by the “naughty/dirty” idea of “cheating” on Mr., with his total approval – so crazy how our minds work! 🙂

For some couples”independent play” works out best for them if they have opposite working schedules or not otherwise unable to join their partner in playtime. Some couples just don’t want to know what the other is doing or when they are doing it. They do however want to know after the fact so that there are no secrets.  Do not get any of this confused with cheating,  these couples have openly discussed the options and have chosen what scenario works best for them.

Our swinging experiences have mostly been full swap “option” (we have not taken that option most times), same room (other than the “one on one” male partner), a couple, and single male or female. We have had more threesome MFM (male, female, male) or FMF (female, male, female) than couple swaps.   Some couples, like us, have a sit down “meet and greet” with prospective couples so that details are worked out ahead of time avoiding embarrassing or awkward situations. Most swingers have a set of ‘rules’ that are theirs alone.  Some rules might include no kissing of the other couples partner, only same room swapping, all parties are in agreement before any ‘fun’ is initiated, etc. Our rules with couples include: same room, no aggressive actions (spanking is not considered aggressive – verbal abuse is aggressive), no pictures or filming, no scat, no water sports, no verbal humiliation for Mrs and that is about it.

So for us, an open relationship would mean having other lovers outside of our swinging playmates, this does not work for us. One of the reasons we began this journey was to create more sexual connections and experiences that we could enjoy as a couple, not to create outside connections.  Neither is good or bad it is just what works for the people involved – and an open relationship does not work for us.

What are your thoughts?

3 Responses to “Swinging & Open Relationships: Is There A Difference?”
  1. lustyjezzy says:

    Good article. We have much the same thoughts on swinging and open. We are not in an open relationship but we have given each other permission before to play with our last long term gf separately if the opportunity presented itself.

    To me open is the active seeking out of other people besides your SO to develop relationships with, sometimes purely sexual sometimes it goes deeper than that. Swinging is something we do together. We do nurture a relationship outside the bedroom with our playmates though.

    We have a set of rules as do most couples and we have found over the years and through the course of each relationship with our playmates our rules have been flexible as long as the lines of communication between all players stayed open.

    To me there is definitely a difference between Trbl and I seeking out people to play with together (swinging) and one of us leaving the other at home to go on a date with another person (open). I’ve learned a lot about open relationships since I started blogging and just like all relationships it’s not for everyone.

    The thing I love about the lifestyle is that there really are all kinds of relationships and you can pretty much define how you will navigate yours without having to cave in to the conventional models of love, lust and relations.

    • We totally agree & think you & your hubby are pretty much our twins!

    • Allie says:

      We also have much of the same thoughts on swinging and open. We are swingers and enjoy this adventure together-we have never had an interest at all in venturing out solo and opening our relationship.

      We have relationships with many couples we play with but those relationships are friendships. We have purely sexual relations with other couples. Neither of these “relations” puts us any where near the “open relationship” status in our minds- we are just naughty, fun-loving,open minded swingers in a very solid, loving, closed-relationship.

      I think it is just a recent trend on the internet to lump the two very different styles (swinging and poly) under the same umbrella(open relationships). I think the two styles are vastly different-neither one is better than the other-just different. It’s all good as long as you clearly communicate your play style or relationship preferences to all parties involved.


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